Thursday, May 20, 2010

Awesome story....

A Junior Software engineer, a Senior Software engineer and their Project Manager are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each".

So the eager Junior Software engineer shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff" and he was gone.
Now the Senior Software engineer could not keep quiet and shouted " I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff" and he was also gone.
The Project Manager calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 1.30pm"

Moral of the story is:

Always allow the boss to speak first..!

Server Bole to!!!.....

First year was the most hectic year in my engineering academic life. On one side I was about to leave Physics and Chemistry forever and on other side I was about to join the geek world.

First year computer practical exam.

Computer Lab

The worst possible time...Around 12 o’clock.

The last day of my first year exams and the biggest mountain is still not conquered - “Computer Practical”. The only thing I learned in last one year is to differentiate between a CPU and a monitor. This is the only true knowledge I have about this subject.
Let me look at the search and sort program again.
Scanf then printf….Oops…printf then scanf… # include iostream.h…#include conio.h…clrscr()
Oh...God...I wish that share folder still exists… I hope the netsend command still works.

God...Help me… main ()…curly brackets open….
Oops !! There he is, the most brilliant student of our class Janeesh K.J , the one who asked doubt to our Mechanical faculty on the first day itself. A tough question “Sir, is it possible to store data on WordStar instead of Access “.

Ghosh!!! What’s WordStar?? What’s Access??
I am going to fail.
He looks too cool. Boy…5 more minutes left... C came after B…now we have C++ and VC++…C was discovered/invented (not sure) by Dennis Richie….

I can hear one of the gal asking Janeesh “What’s ANSI C ?”

Oops...I don’t know even that...Probably discovered by Ancy… so C was discovered by both Dennis and Ancy… might behusband - wife.
Here comes the lab assistant.
“Guys get in!!!”
So at last the time has come. Utmost one more supplementary. Huh!!! Karthik …you have been through these situations now and then … bravo...Come on!!!!

I entered the lab with shaking hands...legs…entire body...

Oh that’s my system!!!! It’s still vacant…my shared drives…. Ha ha ha ..great
“Hey…take this system…sit according to your rollnumber” (In came the voice of lab assistant)
What the…H*%$ is it….?
Hey even this system is far from the faculty’s desk. This is great.
“Now !!  turn over the sheet of paper on your desk, you have to complete the task in 3 hours. First write down the algorithm and then start doing the program.”
So...This is it… Come on…let’s see what’s in there….

Write a program to sort  N natural numbers in ascending order and then perform search operation.

(PS: Use Bubble sort and binary search).

Nice question the one I have mugged up. Take this Compy – Dompy…
#include iostream.h…#include conio.h..main()….
Its’ over and still plenty of time left. Let me see what others are doing. Oh !! God they all are gone. Was this paper that easy!!
“Karthik are you finished with the work?”
“Yes Mam”
“OK !! show me the output”
“Here it is...” ...Ctrl+F9
“Okay..that looks could have been better…you should add comments where ever possible…”…bla bla bla..and one more bla….
Oh !!! she is gone….hmmm..she will never get satisfied…anyways..It’s over…

I started going towards the door

Karthik !!! where r u going? Come over here. You still have VIVA left.”
Huh !!! Not again !!!
“Please sit “
“Thank you “
“Okay !! Tell me..What is a computer”
‘A computer is an electronic device…….tttttrrrrrrrrrrppppppp”..
I am the best..I am the best..I am the best.. Yah I am best
“What r macros?”

Did she hear me saying I am the best…

“What r libraries”
“What are command line arguments?”
‘Don’t know’
“What are inbuilt functions?”
‘Can u please repeat the question……’

Are these questions from Computer Science!!!! Huh !!!

“Okay one last question…Show me where is the serverin our lab”
Hmmm….Server is something big…yah it’s very big….bigger than CPU and monitor…now I have to find where it is….hmmm…
not that…that’s a switch board…not even that...that’s AC….hmmmm…which one is the server…..Oopps…that’s her again…
“Hey !!! Stop revolving in your chair and tell me..Which is the server?”
Hey that looks like a server….
’There it is’.…(pointing hand towards the UPS, but the faculty thought Karthik was pointing towards the system..kept on the table )
“Good…Why didn’t you tell me earlier if you knew that? Actually no one answered it correctly...Good keep it up”
“Thank you mam..thanks  a lot…”

Yahoooo…..last ball..sixer..yipeeee………………….

From then on I never looked back, within hours I became the hero of the class. People started coming to me with their doubts.
I cleared all their doubts. Even that svelte gal came and asked “What’s ANSI C ?”. Till date she thinks Richie and Ancy are husband and wife.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Software Engineers never die…

કેટલાક લોકો એમની આખી જીંદગી 'ઇન્ટેલિજન્ટ' થવા પાછળ ખરચી નાંખે છે. જયારે અમુક લોકો જન્મથી જ 'ગુજરાતી' હોય છે !!

Software Engineers never die… They just go Offline ….  :)

Interesting equation

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

************ **

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs

************ **

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Women = Pigs + spend

If, Women - spend = Pigs

In other words,

Women that don't spend = Pigs

************ **


Men earn money not to let women become pigs!

Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs

Wish all the pigs happy forever.



Cognizant Method :

Hire a lion.. ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.

give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more........ and more .......

TCS method:
Hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM's metbod:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour... he dies of unemployment. ..

Syntel Method:

Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....

MBT method:
Hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
Lion dies of the strain?

i-Flex method:
Hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion,

send him in African safari for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories,

tell him if he comes alive he will get band movement (promotion) holy cow dies in fear of the real lion.

Polaris Method:
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion(COSL) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ...change it to 8:30 AM)
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....

Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining.....

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id.
he will die recieving stupid mails all day........! !!!

Accenture Method:

*Hire a lion.... **
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idli,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water...and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......