Rajnikant's Gmail ID --- KILLER !!!

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Gmail@Rajnikant.com

Living in 2010 .... Ridiculously True

YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2010 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.

2 You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.

5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.

6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries.

7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.

8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.

10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee.

11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : )

12 You're reading this and nodding and laughing.

13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.

14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.

15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list

AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING at yourself.

Go on, forward this to your friends. You know you want to.

A timeless story ....Side effects of systematic working in BIG CORPORATE

Learn somthing from the story above!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Work priority, with priority of work,
is the ladder to success!!

A timeless story ....Side effects of systematic working in BIG CORPORATE
A story told by an IIM professor regarding the side effects of systematic working :-
After completion of Lanka War Hanumanji was enjoying LTA with his friends, he got an email on his laptop from Accounts requesting him to clear his dues before 31st March related with his tour to bring Sanjivani Booti for Laxmanji. He ignored the first mail.But after 3 - 4 reminders in two days time & receiving a call on CUG Mobile from Accounts Dept., he flew to Ayodhya canceling his leave.
He submitted:-  TA, DA Bill,  Bills of Sushen Vaidya, Hospital Charges for getting injured by Bharatji during his travel at Ayodhya,  Cost of Sanjeevani Booti, Transport charges

(1) Where is your tour sanction report ?  Asked the HR & ADMIN Dept. Hanumanji got it done by requesting to concerned officials 2 or 3 times.
(2) Hanumanji claimed T.A. bill for air travel but he was given only second class sleeper charges & all other expenses on medical , Sanjeevani Booti, Fee of Sushen Vaidya were not reimbursed. When he asked for the reasons,

(a) he was told that he is entitled for IInd class sleeper only.

(b) He can not get claim for other things as he does not have bills.

When Ramji ordered the related official to pay for Air travel & other charges as claimed by Hanumanji. The officer came with the rule book& said to Ramji " These rules are created by the grand father of  Dasharathji, If you want to overrule your forefathers I don't have any problem." Ramji became speechless. Then he thought for another way. He called Hanumanji & gave him the claimed amount in cash, But can Hanumanji take cash money from Ramji ? Hanumanji told " How can I take money from you ? Laxmanji is equally reverend to me as you are. " In  his heart of hearts Hanumanji thought why he listened to accounts fellow, cut short his LTA, completed all the formalities & put Shriram in such an awkward position where he has to offer money to me.
Hanumanji continued his work with the same attachment as he used to after this incidence also, but those who didn't have equal attachment with Shriram & his organization, learnt a different lesson.

MORAL OF THE STORY :

"Not to do anything without proper sanctions FROM HR & ADMIN / ACCOUNTS, bills, gate pass etc. whatsoever may be the
urgency or importance of the job" (AT the most Laxmanji will   die nothing more will happen).

Wednesday for S/W engineer

All of you who have seen the movie ‘A Wednesday’... will love it...

Commissioner Rathore (Anupam Kher): Kaun ho tum??? Kya pehchaan hai tumhaari?

Unknown Caller (Nasiruddin Shah) :  Kaun huun main... Main vo hunn jo
aaj commitment karne se darta hai, Main vo hunn jo aaj ghar jaane se
darta ha, ye soch ke kahin ghar vaale pehchaanne se inqaar na kar
de...

Main vo huun jo, aaj job change karta hai to sochta hai ki kahin
recession mujhe company se na nikaal de..

Main vo huun jiski girlfriend use Friday  ko dus bar phone karti hai,
“Kya kar rahe ho?? Kaam Zyaada hai?? Thak gaye ho??”

Mera haal puuchne ke liye ya kaam puuchne ke liye nahin,  Rathore
saahab... balki vo ye jaan na chaahti hai ki... kahin hamesha ki tarah
end moment pe boss ke bulaane pe main Saturday ki date cancel to nahin
kar raha...

Main vo huun to breakfast ke time pe dinner karta hai, lunch time pe
breakfast karta hai, dinner ke time pe lunch karta hai.. vo bhi time
mil jaaye to...

Main vo huun jo aksar fansta hai.

Kabhi Interviews ke savaal mein fansta hai , kabhi badi companiyon ke
jaal mein fansta hai, kabhi boss  aur client ke bawaal mein fansta
hai.

Project office ki bheed  to dekhi hogi aapne Rathore saahab... Us
bheed mein se ko bhi chehra chuun leejiye.. Main vo huun..

I’m the same old ..STUPID SOFTWARE ENGINEER!!!!

1 min time pass - nothing to get but good one...

A parrot goes to a shopkeeper and asks ... "Aam hai kya?"
The shopkeeper
says ... "Nahi. Hum Aam nahi bechte."

Next day at the same time, the parrot
goes again and asks him ..."Aam hai kya ?"

He gets a little irritated and
says... "Aare Bola na, Hum Aam nahi Bechte"



On the third day, the parrot
goes again and asks him "Aam hai kya ?"

He gets wild and yells ..."Bola na
naahi. Abhi vapas aaya to hathoda marunga sar ke upar"




The next day,the
parrot comes again and asks him .. "hathoda hai kya ?" The shopkeeper says
... "Nahi" The parrot then asks ... "Aam hai kya ?"

Cool one

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted,
"Excuse me, Sir, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

The man below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be an engineer," said the lady balloonist.

"Yes, I am," replied the man. "But, how did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist. "Everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea how to make use of your information. The fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more.'

The man below responded, "You must be in management."

"Yes, I am," replied the lady balloonist, "but, how did you know?"

"Simple," said the man, "You don't know where you are, or where you're going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air within. You made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you, to solve your problems."

Corporate Story...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Cannibals

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So here after please don't eat a person who is working."

Honest Inferences !!

------------------------------------------------------------

You love someone,

You marry someone else !

The one you marry becomes your spouse !

And the one you loved becomes .............

the password of your mail id !!

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There's only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There's only one perfect wife in the world.............

and every neighbor has it !!

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Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

To be as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects !!

---------------------------------------------------------------

Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails.

If the kidney fails .........

the liver manages with other kidney !!

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Generation Next Motto:

Neither will I marry

Nor I will allow my children to marry !!

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What's the difference between Drug and Wine ?

Drug is like a girlfriend that comes with an expiry date.

Wine is like a wife, The older it gets, longer the chatter !!

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The Japanese have produced a camera

that has such .. such a fast shutter speed that...........

it is capable of taking a picture of a woman with her mouth shut !!

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Even God has a Sense of Humor

God was in the process of creating the universe.

And he was explaining to his subordinates 'Look everything should be in balance.

For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States .

I have blessed them with prosperity and money.

But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....

And here is Africa . I have given them beautiful nature.

But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America . I have given them lots of forests.

But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.'

One of the angels asked...

'God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?'

God said........ 'Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. ' INDIA ', my most precious creation.

It has understanding and friendly People, Sparkling streams and serene mountains, a culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live, technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised: 'But god you said everything should be in balance.'

God replied - 'Look at the neighbor countries I gave them.'

Small prayer before entering office.......

Dear God, I beg you!

Give me the Wisdom to understand my boss. Give me the Love to forgive him. Give me the Patience to understand his deeds. But dearest God, don't give mthe Power because if you give me the Power I'll break his head

Nuclear war between India and Pakistan

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and

in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.

Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan :

This was the scenario................

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.

The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on. Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.

The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting! PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits. Thus India never gets to launch the missile !!

The LOGIC works in the world

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: "I will choose my own bride!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."

Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Lessons in Logic

If your father is a poor man,

it is your fate but,

if your father-in-law is a poor man,

it's your stupidity.

...................................................................................

I was born intelligent -

education ruined me.

...................................................................................

Practice makes perfect.....

But nobody's perfect......

so why practice?

...................................................................................

If it's true that we are here to help others,

then what exactly are the others here for?

...................................................................................

Since light travels faster than sound,

people appear bright until you hear them speak.

...................................................................................

How come "abbreviated" is such a long word?

...................................................................................

Money is not everything.

There's Mastercard & Visa.

...................................................................................

One should love animals.

They are so tasty.

...................................................................................

Behind every successful man, there is a woman

And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.

...................................................................................

Every man should marry.

After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

...................................................................................

Success is a relative term.

It brings so many relatives.

...................................................................................

Never put off the work till tomorrow

what you can put off today.

...................................................................................

"Your future depends on your dreams"

So go to sleep

...................................................................................

There should be a better way to start a day

Than waking up every morning

...................................................................................

"Hard work never killed anybody"

But why take the risk

...................................................................................

"Work fascinates me"

I can look at it for hours

...................................................................................

The more you learn, the more you know,

The more you know, the more you forget

The more you forget, the less you know

So.. why learn.

....................................................................................

A bus station is where a bus stops.

A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station....

what more can I say........

....................................................................................

Today's Professional Management FUNDAS

1."We will do it" means "You will do it"

2."You have done a great job" means "More work to be given to you"

3."We are working on it" means "We have not yet started working on the same"

4."Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means "Its not getting done "At least not tomorrow!"

5."After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views" means "I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

6."There was a slight miscommunication" means "We had actually lied"

7."Lets call a meeting and discuss" means "I have no time now, will talk later"

8."We can always do it" means "We actually cannot do the same on time"

9."We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means "The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

10."We had slight differences of opinion "means "We had actually fought"

11."Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means "Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

12."You should have told me earlier" means "Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

13."We need to find out the real reason" means "Well I will tell you where your fault is"

14."Well Family is important; your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected," means, "Well you know..."

15."We are a team," means, "I am not the only one to be blamed"

16."That's actually a good question" means "I do not know anything about it"

17."All the Best" means "You are in trouble"