Corporate Story...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 Cannibals

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating team leaders, managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed. So here after please don't eat a person who is working."

Honest Inferences !!

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You love someone,

You marry someone else !

The one you marry becomes your spouse !

And the one you loved becomes .............

the password of your mail id !!

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There's only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There's only one perfect wife in the world.............

and every neighbor has it !!

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Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.

To be as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects !!

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Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails.

If the kidney fails .........

the liver manages with other kidney !!

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Generation Next Motto:

Neither will I marry

Nor I will allow my children to marry !!

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What's the difference between Drug and Wine ?

Drug is like a girlfriend that comes with an expiry date.

Wine is like a wife, The older it gets, longer the chatter !!

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The Japanese have produced a camera

that has such .. such a fast shutter speed that...........

it is capable of taking a picture of a woman with her mouth shut !!

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Even God has a Sense of Humor

God was in the process of creating the universe.

And he was explaining to his subordinates 'Look everything should be in balance.

For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States .

I have blessed them with prosperity and money.

But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension....

And here is Africa . I have given them beautiful nature.

But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America . I have given them lots of forests.

But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would have to cut off the forests...

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.'

One of the angels asked...

'God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?'

God said........ 'Ahah...that is the crown piece of all. ' INDIA ', my most precious creation.

It has understanding and friendly People, Sparkling streams and serene mountains, a culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live, technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold.....

The angel was quite surprised: 'But god you said everything should be in balance.'

God replied - 'Look at the neighbor countries I gave them.'

Small prayer before entering office.......

Dear God, I beg you!

Give me the Wisdom to understand my boss. Give me the Love to forgive him. Give me the Patience to understand his deeds. But dearest God, don't give mthe Power because if you give me the Power I'll break his head

Nuclear war between India and Pakistan

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile,

Soviet Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and

in less than 45 seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.

Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on nuclear war between India and Pakistan :

This was the scenario................

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok Sabha session.

The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on. Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.

The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme Court alleging misuse of power.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting! PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell 367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in Islamabad at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as preparations begin, "pro-humanity", "anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision. Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing over Rajasthan. Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits. Thus India never gets to launch the missile !!

The LOGIC works in the world

Father: I want you to marry a girl of my choice.

Son: "I will choose my own bride!"

Father: "But the girl is Bill Gate's daughter."

Son: "Well, in that case...ok"

Next Father approaches Bill Gates.

Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."

Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"

Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."

Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.

Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."

President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"

Father: "But this young man is Bill Gate's son-in-law."

President: "Ah, in that case...ok"